I don’t know if you guys recall my “Dear Luna” blog I posted right before her first birthday, but I plan to write one every year. It’s nice to reminisce on all the moments that made the year special, the changes that occurred in her, and just a little something for the both of us to read over a cup of tea in the future…
I’m currently preparing for her “Oh Two-dles” birthday party. Rushing around ordering everything. JUST sent out the invitations which clearly went out wayyy to late, figuring out if we should serve gourmet food or chicken fingers, and now I’m on the hunt for a Minnie Mouse mascot costume. Question then will be which one of our family members I’ll be forcing to get in it lol… and as if I don’t already have enough on my plate I added two more projects. Started putting together a scrapbook, and a super emotional yet beautiful video for her. Spoiler: The video is a little memoir of the times we spent together with it just being the two of us.
You know why I’m not making much progress? Because A) I have to go through 10,000 photos, and videos to find the one’s I need, and B) I get distracted by each one of them. “Oh thats the first day I took her to the beach! Oh this is the video when her first steps were captured! Gosh look at that tiny little hand wrapped around my finger!” This goes on, and on, and on until my tears dry out, and I’m too tired to continue doing what I sat down to do in the first place.
In the mix of all this madness I’ve come to one conclusion. How incredibly different, and interesting this year has been compared to the one before. I’ve grown to love my daughter in a way I never loved her before.
I was in a complete fog the first 12 months of Luna’s life. Sleep deprived, breastfeeding struggles, emotional breakdowns, confusion, tons of questions, not seeing eye to eye with my husband, lacked self love & confidence, and did I say sleep deprived? The first year with a newborn is overwhelming to say the least! Desperately trying to figure shit out, and wanting to prove to yourself that you are capable of being a good parent. All of a sudden you are responsible for someone who counts on YOU to survive. Did that fully sink in to those of you who are parents? Literally one tiny mistake can cost you their fragile life. So day after day, night after night, I attended to all my daughters needs. I was physically there, my body miraculously working overtime, but I was robotic. Seriously, if it wasn’t for some part of my brain reminding me to use the camera, I’d probably have barely any recollection of what our first year looked like. And now, the more I think about it the more I ask myself did I actually “love” her?? Or was I mostly infatuated with her? You see, every move she made, every breath she took had me in awe, but does that count as “love?”
12-24 months the thick fog that was blurring my vision slowly disappeared, along with that tiny alien looking creature who consumed my entire existence. All of a sudden appears this little girl. Like do these babies have us fooled, and play a sick trick on us?! How do you go from helpless to “hi momma, here I am walking, talking, and being a regular human.” You get hit in the head with this realization that your baby is basically a genius, and accomplished SOOOO much in such a short period of time!!! Like, can you learn a language in one year!?!? (Some even more than one like Luna.) Can you communicate with someone without talking!? Well, they figure it out! It just takes some paying attention on your end. In my opinion, all the hard work from the newborn stage finally pays off in the months that lead up to your babies 2nd birthday. Their personality really starts to show, they’ve hit pretty much every milestone, they are a bit more independent, and best of all they show you affection!!! That was definitely my favorite.
When Luna was a baby I would smooch all over her while she just laid there not reciprocating anything. Now she gives me unexpected hugs, and kisses randomly throughout the day. It melts my heart. That’s something I want to remember always, and forever. Especially this particular moment that happens everyday: I lay next to her while she drinks her milk before bedtime, and when she’s done she dramatically swings her tiny little arm in my direction so I can take the bottle. Then we lay there quietly both acting like our eyes are closed, but I’m peaking at her to see when it’s safe for me to bolt, and she’s peaking at me to see if I’m “sleeping” so she can start giving me soft little kisses. On my lips, my nose and cheeks. She’ll stop, and then start doing it again hoping her cuteness get’s my attention. The only reason I try not to react is because she’ll get too excited, and take that as an invitation to play instead of sleep lol but honestly it’s impossible for me not to give her a little smirk or kiss her back. And when I do? OMG her warm hands grab my face aggressively, and it’s non stop slobbery kisses until I have no choice, but to push her away haha
♥ I want to remember her coming into the bedroom every morning with a huge smile on her face, and the back of her hair looking like a birds nest. Eagerly trying to pull me out of bed by handing me my slippers, and robe.
♥ I want to remember the way she walks. Her tiny puffy feet go inward, and this cute little waddle that makes her butt sway from side to side. Oh, but when she starts running we are in trouble! She thinks it’s funny how her mom can’t catch up to her lol which brings up the question, how the hell can these toddlers run so fast with their short little legs??!!?
♥ I want to remember the way she bosses me around. When she knows it’s time to eat she climbs into her high chair, and points to mine saying “sit!” When she wants to draw she says “momma sit, draw!” Omg this one kills me every time….when we are driving, and I come to a stoplight she screams “No! Go, gooooo!” Okay Luna let me just run all the red lights for you haha. Or how she’ll hand me the remote, and say “beasss!!!” meaning “Beauty and the Beast” lol
♥ I want to remember her vibrant smile, the way she waves hello like a princess to anybody that looks at her, and then blows kisses to them right after. She truly lights up everyones day.
♥ I want to remember the way she laughs after she toots haha (yes I mean farts.) Gotta blame Mike for this one because I’m sure he had something to do with it, but nonetheless it is the cutest thing ever. She looks behind her giggling like “hey did my butt do that?”
♥ I want to remember the way she react’s when I pick her up from daycare. She’s currently still struggling with her drop off’s so when I pick her up the excitement on her face is priceless. Running over to me, tripping over all the toys screaming “momma momma!!” Pointing to me as she looks over at the other children so they can see her momma is here haha
♥ I want to remember all those times she’s made me go on a Choo Choo train! I’ve got permanent bumps on my head from squeezing into those things! lol
I want to remember all of this, and so much more.
Dear Luna, this past year I have fallen so deeply in love with you. Is it weird that you’ve become my best friend? A 2 year old that has made my life a million times more interesting, and exciting. You’ve been blossoming into such a wonderful little girl, and I my love, have been blossoming right there next to you. You’ve made me better. You make me see the world in a way I’ve never seen it before. You are starting to talk so much with the most sweetest angelic voice. You make me laugh uncontrollably, and I blame you for my smile lines. Baby, can you promise to give me slobbery kisses forever? I’ll let you put sand in my hair as long as you never say no to a beach day with me. Lets take time to always share an ice cream cone. Can you continue to let me match outfits with you? Speaking of matching outfits I want to say “Thank You.” Thank you for inspiring me to start a Mommy & Me clothing line! Can you believe that!? Your momma is a boss!!! And you my darling are a boss baby! All of this came together because of you!
Oh, but everyday hasn’t been easy my love. You see, life isn’t always going to be like those fairytale movies we watch…I have to be honest, and say I struggled a bit this year. There has been some personal problems that I faced, and even though I tried my absolute best to not let you see me sad, unfortunately some days had me broken. You know what you would do? You would wrap your sweet little arms around me. Leaning your head on my heart as your hair caught my tears letting me hold onto you for as long as I needed to. My sweet girl, You bring light back into my life after the most darkest storms. Finding out I was pregnant also took a toll on me. Truth be told I so badly wanted to keep you all for myself. I wasn’t ready to bring anyone who would take my time away from you. At least not yet, but my only hope now is that your sibling makes you just as happy as you’ve made me. I think this is going to be amazing darling, but I will need your help with this one. When I get overwhelmed I want to look into your eyes for comfort. Please be there for me as I will always be here for you. I’m looking forward to seeing you become the best big sister. You will have someone to grow up with. Someone who will be there for you when one day I won’t. Someone who will be your best friend forever. Oh, yeah, so that’s another thing I wanted to mention …If you’re going to have a little sister please don’t leave me out!
I love you Luna May.