Well wasn’t that an unexpected surprise!? lol for you guys, and us! Michael and I always knew we’d want more kids, and the idea of having a big family sounded nice. Until we had one, and realized how much sweat, blood, and tears went into parenting haha.
So the big question is: Were we really trying to have another baby right now at this very moment? No, not really. We never officially said “okay lets try for another one!” But clearly we weren’t totally against it either because no protection was being used while doing the nasty…obviously the chances of us getting pregnant was very high. Not sure why it was such a surprise when we found out I was expecting. That’s usually how babies are made 😂
Writing this post is a going to be a bit hard, because I want to be very blunt, and open about my feelings. If you are going to judge me based off of my honesty then I’d prefer you to not continue reading…
The day we found out:
October 23, 2018 – Peaceful quite night, nothing out of the ordinary expect for me eating an entire bag of popcorn to myself while watching a movie. Mind you, I don’t like popcorn at all! The fact that I ate the whole bag, and actually enjoyed it was odd. I jokingly said to Mike “watch me be pregnant.” He turns to me, and says “well go take the test.” I entertained the idea for the hell of it, but in my mind I knew there was absolutely no way I’d be pregnant.
Stick one: big bold letters – PREGNANT.
Frantically I force myself to pee on another one. Once again – pregnant.
I quickly grab the box to make sure it’s not an expired package…nope clearly not expired.
Mike, and I looking at each other speechless. Neither one of us could find the right words. The only thing breaking our silence was the sound of our racing hearts. This fog just came over me. My entire body went limp, and I collapsed on the floor. Hands covering my face from letting Mike see my tears. He kneeled beside me, wrapped his arms around me, and said “it’s going to be okay just like it was the first time.”
Déjà Vu all over again.
It make’s me a little sad to admit that both pregnancies brought me to tears instead of immediate joy, and happiness. The only difference were the emotions attached behind those tears. With Luna it was a complete shock, and I was a bit angry. We were a newly engaged couple. To be honest I was selfish. I was nowhere near ready to be a mom. I was partying, traveling and enjoying time with my man. We were living life on edge, exploring the world, and falling in love with one another. The thought of having a family didn’t even cross my mind until after marriage. Needless to say that news completely turned our life around.
Fast forward to today. We are both obsessed with the little girl who made us parents. Everything is about her, and we wouldn’t have it any other way….That explains my reaction for baby number 2. Just like with Luna I was shocked, but instead of being angry, I felt guilty. Uncontrollable tears kept rolling down my face from all the thoughts bouncing around in my head. The one that really broke me down was knowing it would no longer be just about Luna. How can I love another child the way I love her? I just can’t wrap my mind around her not being MY ONLY ONE. Right now she is my entire world. Every single day this little girl has my full attention. All my kisses, all my hugs, my whole heart, and soul is invested into her. After all, she deserves the very best for making me feel complete. For giving me a purpose, and slowly molding me into the woman I always knew I wanted to be. I wouldn’t have gotten here without her. It was her. It was all because of her. I would do anything for this little angel for the way she changed my life. Her smile, and happiness is all I strive for….and then it hit me.
Giving her a sibling would be a beautiful thing… it would be the greatest gift that I could give her.
Mommas: How did it feel being pregnant with baby number 2? Did you feel any sort of guilt that you’ll somehow be neglecting your first child? Did you have similar thought’s that I just shared?
For a while my mind was playing cruel games on me…telling me everything is ruined.
Negative thoughts consumed me for weeks.
• Luna will start acting out because she’ll notice her mommy, and daddy paying attention to someone else.
• Our life is going to get 10x harder juggling two kids, with no family around.
• Luna just started sleeping through the night, her naps are 2-3 hours long, she’s going to be out of diapers soon, and no more bottle. For a mom these are huge milestones! Someday’s felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Coming to this point is like being able to breath for the first time in a long time. Now I’m being dragged back to where I was 2 years ago… sleepless nights, frustrating days, and more diaper explosives…(not to mention if it’s a boy I’ll be getting sprayed with piss.)
• Even though Luna is an easy child we still have our fair share of difficult days where I feel like everything is falling apart. I collect every ounce of strength that I have to get through those bad days, but how the hell am I going to keep it together when two of my children are giving me a hard time!?!?
• Luna just started daycare. She’s going twice a week for a few hours. Which meant I got a little bit of my freedom back. Well, that just went out the window lol
• Sharing my husband with another human!!! I know, I know this is the selfish side of me talking again, but I crave attention! Ever since we had Luna our priorities changed. We have different responsibilities, and as parents it’s our duty to put our daughter first. So the more kids that get thrown into the mix means less time for Liana 😌
• Sharing my husband is one person, but now I have to share Luna too!? If it’s another girl will they like become best friends, and leave me out?!?! Because mom won’t be cool enough for the young generation anymore =(
• I really wanted to take this year, and focus on my new business. (The mommy and me clothing line.) Being a wife, and a stay at home mom puts you on a repetitive daily schedule. Some days are exciting, and others are boring. I found myself thinking there must be something else I can do to contribute to the family. Even though I truly appreciate my husband for going to work, and giving me the opportunity to stay at home, I still wish some days I was the one leaving the house, and he stayed for the chores, and kid lol
For about 2 weeks I refused to go to the obgyn to confirm the pregnancy. It’s almost like I wanted to pretend like I wasn’t, but my conscience was eating away at me. I knew I couldn’t ignore it any longer. I went in, and surely enough there was the little nugget. 6 weeks in. Which means I detected I was pregnant when I was only 2 weeks! I didn’t even know those at home tests worked that fast! During my ultrasound I was silent. The lady was talking, congratulating me, but I zoned her out. I just kept looking at the screen not being able to express any emotion because at that moment I can’t really say I knew what I was feeling. I told her I didn’t want to hear the heartbeat until my husband was there so I left the office feeling nothing…just the ultrasound photos in my hand to confirm baby number 2 is on the way.
The day my heart opened up
A couple weeks later I stepped back into the office this time with Michael and Luna by my side. All 3 of us heard the heartbeat, and that’s when I felt a rush of heat go through my entire body. It’s like hearing this babies tiny little heartbeat defrosted my cold bitter feelings. I think why the sudden change happened was a combination of hearing that life beating inside of me, and also having my family there. Seeing Luna’s big beautiful eyes curiously looking at what the doctor was doing, listening to the sound coming from mommy’s belly, and my husband standing there with the same euphoric look that he had when we heard Luna’s heartbeat for the first time….It just all pieced together right then, and there.
I am 13 weeks into my pregnancy. I’m starting to slowly build that bond, but it’s definitely taking me a little longer then it did with Luna. I just really want to enjoy this wonderful journey because I know how quickly it goes by. After all I’m already in my second trimester! Due date is set for 7-8-19. Which I really hope the baby comes on that day… sounds cool, like 7, 8, 9? lol. Oh and get this…my doctor already knows the gender! However, Luna’s birthday is in February, and we plan on throwing a gender reveal party around that time because everyone will be in town. I’m hoping for a boy just to have one of each, but my symptoms are very similar to when I was carrying Luna so it makes me believe it’s another girl. Also I’m afraid if it’s not a boy Mike will continue getting me pregnant till we get one lol. They literally have all girls in their family, and no-one to take on the “DeGeorge” legacy lol talk about pressure right?
I am super lucky because both my pregnancies have been fairly easy. I know I’m only 13 weeks into this one, but many women get sick in their first trimester which I never experienced. Except for the occasional nauseous feeling when it comes to certain foods. Other then that it’s been a breeze! That’s why Mike says my body is capable of giving birth to 10 more kids ~ haha
Again, the photos posted on Instagram are only showing one perspective. Here we are announcing this wonderful news to everybody, but nobody knew the true emotions behind it until now.
Once everything finally settled in I started thinking clearly again….I know having a baby is a HUGE blessing. The amount of couples who struggle with infertility is really sad. So for us to already have two without any difficulties is something I should be incredibly thankful for. So please don’t take this blog post as me being ungrateful or someone who never wanted children…it just never seemed like it was the “right time,” but God know’s exactly what you need, when you need it. Often times I forget to put my trust in Him.
With all that being said, I would like to once again thank every single one of you who congratulated us! I hope from here on out I can bring you along on this journey, and share everything.